Tonight I'm....

*eating leftover frosting off of a spoon

*cramming for a set of birthdays that somehow snuck up on me

*trying to think through the details for the party this weekend, what to make, what to cook, what to buy...

~one year ago tomorrow~

*looking at old pictures

*sewing buttons on a sweater

*wondering where a year went

*or ten for that matter

*adding to an old Rainbow Bridge story and starting a new one

~yesterday-having a mini-celebration with visiting family~

*taking the time to watch them sleep

*feeling awed and proud and a little sad

*looking forward to the future, but hoping it will take it's sweet ole' time in getting here

*vowing to slow down for this next year, to live in the moment and cherish each one

*dreaming about who they will be next year, and tomorrow, and 26 years after that

*still amazed by it all, now and forever

Home

Home for her is being wrapped in a woolen blanket, made by Mama or Me-Mom.

It's diaper changes on a sheepskin by the fire and knowing that every day, Daddy will come and let her snatch his baseball cap.

Home is peek-a-boo under play silks when she's fussy, with a different face appearing each time.

Home is the sound of the wind in the trees, the sound of children running, stomping, singing, laughing...


Home is waking up to smiles and kisses, joining hands with everyone for a blessing at mealtimes and snuggling under a down comforter between Mama and Daddy at night.

Home is a belly full of warm milk and sips of tulsi-rose tea from mama's teacup.

Home is knowing that whenever the world gets too big or too scary, there is always a spot, just for her, on mama's back.

Home is where she nuzzles her sleepy head behind the curtain of my hair.


Home is lullabies lovingly sung in boyish falsetto.

Home is balls of yarn to tangle and chase.

Home is the rhythm of a rocking chair, a nursery rhyme, a steady pat.

Home is a candle lit at dinner time.

Home is dreams and prayers softly spoken at the drowsy hours of twilight and dawn.


This blanket is the knitting project that was featured in my banner early in autumn. It's one of the free patterns from the Project Linus site. The yarn is Cascade Eco+, left over from this project and that extra skein that accidentally found it's way home with me back in February.

Letting Go

As you might imagine, we are doing a lot of letting go these days. Letting go of certain hopes and dreams, letting go of ideas about how our life would be, letting go of projects, once started, never to be finished.

But there is also a lot of every day letting go (clearly illustrated by my serving lunch an hour later then usual today, lunch being....popcorn) and letting go on a more seasonal scale.

This letting go thing is not something that I am skilled at! In fact, at this moment, I am still in denial. Just last night, I was at the fabric store, buying the last bit of fabric I need to make robes for the kids (knock, knock, knock), to go over Christmas pajamas that I still haven't started yet (knock), all while Steve stands idly by, shaking his head (uh, Crazy Mommy? Is that you????). He knows better, but he also knows better then to try to convince me to give it up before I'm good and ready. The best he can do is wait for the train wreck and help to pick up the pieces when it comes. Poor fella.

I have made some concessions though. And I've required some of others. Last week the scene was in the yarn store. I needed one little thing and both Iain and Elijah declared that while we were there, they absolutely *must* get supplies for Christmas gifts.

Picture if you will, me running back and forth between two different aisles, trying to counsel two different boys, on the two different scarves, that they've separately and secretly, decided to make for each other. All while trying to keep Galen from emptying out all the buttons on the button display (Steve was sitting this one out in the car with a sleeping babe).

Time for a reality check. Ok, gentlemen, everyone come here to me! (by the button display so that Galen can amuse himself with supervision) Here's the deal. Christmas is in *counts off the days*, in that time we are moving and trying to *rattles off the list of things aiming to be accomplished*, there is no possible way for you to make everything you wish to make, entirely in secret. So, how's about, just for this one year you guys just tell each other what you are making for one another and that way you can help each other pick out the yarn and work on them together.

Quite thankfully, they agreed.

This is the scene that I came down to, a mere two days later...


These two are funny with their hand crafts. They might not show a lot of interest for a while, and then they'll go through a phase where it's all knitting (or sewing, or crochet...) all the time.

Elijah finished up his garter stitch "Gryffindor" scarf for Iain in 3 days. Now I just need to find the time to sit down and show him how to work in the ends.

And Iain is still chugging along with his "scarf to match Elijah's new coat". He's working it in seed stitch and it's a lot wider then the scarf Elijah made, so it's taking a little longer.

He came to me the day after we bought the yarn and said, "My yarn looks so pretty, all laid out at the foot of my bed, I could just take a picture!" So of course I handed him the camera! I guess for all of his being like he's father, in some ways he's an awful lot like me as well!

I might just have to show him how to adjust the white balance.

It seems Elijah got in on the action too...


And on the subject of letting go, obviously, regular posting here has slipped by the wayside. We move on Thursday, so I'd imagine that these last few days here and a handful of days or so on the other side are going to be hit or miss, but I'm sure I'll be stopping in from time to time.

Burning the midnight oil...

Another in a string of late nights, surrounded by boxes just beginning to be packed, trying to track down Christmas presents (and still debating where to have them sent), setting some time aside each night to knit away on Iain's sweater, and then fill in the blank with whatever else needs to be done to get us through the following day/week/month. I have a feeling that there will be many more nights like this before all is said and done.


Tonight I'll be working on the sewing project that I started last night and need finished for tomorrow. But today, today, is Fair Day. Every one's looking forward to it. I've just set the crock pot with a stew since we'll be gone all day....late veggies from the farm, some local grass fed beef, kombu, some beef broth I made earlier in the week, a bit of red wine. The house will smell so good when we get back and it will be such a relief not to have to worry about dinner. Now I'm working on filling up a bag with food to eat out....green crispies, toasted almonds, frozen blueberries, leftover chicken, a bit of squash, bananas with carob dip, and whatever else I can think of between now and the time we leave. It was really a lot easier to go places back when we could eat out!

I think this season is going to be a practice in moderation for me. I'm going to have a lot of letting go to do to ensure that Crazy Mommy doesn't rear her ugly head. As it is, Steve's had to talk me down a couple of times already (and I haven't even mentioned that notion floating around in the back of my mind of making an entire quilt for Iain before his birthday).
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I got called away from this post this morning, and now I'm coming back to it at the end of the day (or, well, technically, very early the next morning). The Fair was nice. It's seemed somehow smaller and less impressive this year. I did a bit of holiday shopping, somewhat at Steve's urging, as he's all but convinced me that I really can't make all of the children's gifts this year (I'll admit defeat in not making them all, but I'm still holding out on at least making some).

I got Galen a beautiful little wooden cutting board. I'm so excited to think about how much easier it will be for him to help me in the kitchen once we move into the next house! I got some lovely plant dyed wool for his birthday crown as well. And a duck! Oh, I couldn't resist the life-sized stuffed duck. He's still all about the domesticated fowl. Funny, funny boy. Sadly, I smuggled it home, only to discover that the repurposed sweater that it's made out of still smells like perfume! Bah humbug. It's on the porch at the moment. I left Steve (who is a very early riser), a note asking him to bring it in and hide it in the morning. Maybe if we keep up with the nightly airings it will be ok in time for Christmas??

Darn. And I thought I was doing so well.

Feeling nostalgic tonight....

Remember when I first posted this picture?

It was nearly a year ago now. Amanda (of SouleMama)'s post this morning about the days leading up to her baby's birth, had me searching back through my photos and pulling up old blog posts. Our babies were actually due around 2 weeks apart, but they ended up being over 6 weeks apart!


My goodness, looking at this big, big belly of mine, I often joke that my 5' 0" self did not properly think through the marrying of my 6' 4" husband! These babies of mine have nowhere to go but out (though it sure takes them long enough to *actually* come out). I can still make out the traces of henna on my belly from my blessingway. I think at some point, when I have actual walls perhaps, I'll have to frame one of these, just to have, to remind myself of that sweet time. I can't believe it's been nearly a year now. I'm really amazed by that fact. And humbled by it too; wanting to cherish each and every moment all the more carefully.


This last one always makes me laugh.
It's obviously not fancy or pretty, just a picture that Iain took one night when I was 41 weeks, 3 days along and oh. so. ready. Galen wanted a picture of his belly too (that's why his shirt's up), and then he decided to steal my nose. I think it's one of my favorite moments in time that was ever captured.

Walk Softly

Walk Softly towards the dawn,
Bow to the rising sun,
Breathe the morning,
Wake to the bright and early air.

~Shea Darian, "Seven Times the Sun"

Sunday

Iain and Elijah had their first public choral performance this weekend at a beautiful old church. I've always been drawn to the architecture of churches; the variations over the course of history and differences from denomination to denomination. The boys had to be there early to rehearse, so I got to spend some time poking around; checking out the artwork and noticing all the details that one might not otherwise see.

It turned out to be a stunning autumn day, far beyond expectations. Once we were certain that the big boys were settled, I suggested taking the little ones to the toy store up the road and buying a ball to toss around. So we got to take a nice walk to the store and back to the park.


Galen picked out a ball with a solar system theme. I thought it was a good choice considering his brothers' planet obsession. Plus, he's been asking me to make him a sun for his birthday and I've never been quite sure what that means. But he seemed to feel that this met that need, so shweew, I'm off the hook!

He also spotted a pin wheel, that somehow got added on to our purchase and pleased him to no end. It may very well have been the best $1.95 I've ever spent.

Little Rosebud was ever so delighted with the new toys as well. She was hilarious with the ball; rolling it around and chasing it where ever it went. Poor girl, she would no sooner come within five feet of the person in possession when it would be tossed again and she'd have to crawl off in the other direction!

After a while, Galen wasn't so keen on sitting and rolling it with her and developed a tendency towards walking away with it once she rolled it. Wee though she is, a certain Little Miss has indeed noticed this te

Autumn in the Playroom

These are some snapshots from our play area. It's not really a room unto itself, but something of a room-sized alcove off of our main living area. It's completely open to the rest of the main floor, but it also has it's own defined space and it's own feel. With all of my blunders in designing this house (and there were many), this room I did right. It works exactly as I envisioned.

It's a space to be apart, but still near by. It can all spill out into the living area, but at the end of the day there is a specific place to tuck up all the toys, giving the grown-ups room to roam.

I was inspired to bring a bit of fall to the room this week. It was starting to take on a neglected air. I finally reinstated a nature table, albeit a very low key one. What few autumn books I could find are set out in a crate for easy access. I'm considering doing some selective unpacking to reclaim the rest. With pressed leaves in the windows and a row of pumpkins atop the kitchen set, it's feeling considerably more festive.

A Rainbow of Colors

I'm not the only on getting ready for the winter holidays. Galen, whether from hearing me talk about it, or some other influence, has been eager to get his gift making underway.

The children's choir rehearsals season has started, which means that the little, little ones and I have one night a week, where it's just us. Some times we go with them and walk around town. Occasionally I need to attend a parents meeting, where Steve and I take turns entertaining the Littles. And some weeks, like last week, we stay home to just spend some time being together.

Galen has been going through a trying phase. It's trying for both of us. He's frustrated a lot and acting out. It's partly developmental, part situational, and part of it is just the bumpiness of growing as a family. Whatever the reason, I know that this time together where it's (mostly) just us, is so, so important to him right now. With that in mind, I'm trying to make the most of it. In following his lead, I decided to ask him for the details on the gifts he wants to make. Oh my, but there were a lot of details! I finally talked him down to his top 3 gifts for Màiri; two for Christmas and one for her birthday which falls shortly after. I didn't have anything to fit his vision (this boy is all about rainbows right now and I had none on hand), and I came up with the idea of setting him up to dye the fabric himself.

These little bits below were made by using a paint brush to paint the Kool-Aid onto the wool...And they are the first part of this grand scheme.

His plans for his brothers were less well defined. I suggested that since we were to have the dye set up anyway that perhaps we could dye them some yarn.

He liked that idea and he *loved* wielding that baster! Honestly we both had a lot of fun.

I think the boys will appreciate their gift. They are both rapidly gaining skills in various yarn crafts and it will be a treat for them to have their own specially hand-dyed wool instead of scavenging through the little bits and pieces leftover in my yarn basket.


We used the remainder the Eco-Wool from Màiri's vest. The one in blues and greens if for Iain and the shades of orange for Elijah.


Being just a bit too little, in a family that is full of people who are constantly making practical, useful things, whether it be furniture, food or clothes, is such a frustration for my poor little Goosey Boy. It's such a joy for him to have something to be proud of. To be able to make and give something that will be appreciated and useful, rather then the usual sort of preschooler gifts. The kind that are sweet and cherished by motherly hearts, but destined for no more then a spot in a box somewhere, serving as a childhood relic.


I'm so glad to be able to give him that.

Looking Ahead

I had every intention of doing a "Christmas in July" post talking about thinking ahead to the holiday season; planning and doing well in advance. But July got busy and the post never came. I did, however, get a start on things.

I have some presents tucked away here and there. I have many, many lists. Lists of things to do, lists of things to bake, lists of gifts to make, lists of gifts the kids want to make. I have lots of lists. And I have some supplies, because there is bound to be some crafting...of course, of course, of course!

I have extensive (and slightly delusional) plans for the Christmas pajamas this year. That link is from three years ago, wow! Look at baby Galen! Here are the ones I made two years ago, and last year's are here and here.

This really is one of my favorite parts about being a mama. I love being the person who grows and sculpts family traditions. I love finding ways to add warmth, spirit, beauty and meaning to our celebrations. I love working with my own hands to create, with love, special things for those special times and making each celebration uniquely our own.

Also high up on my to-create list at the moment....

birthday sweaters for all three of my winter babies.